Most of us love our country and would consider ourselves patriotic. But when it comes to actually defending our nation? That’s where the patriotism of many falls short.

When I dated a veteran, I loved someone who put everything on the line for America. Experiencing his sacrifice together made me appreciate our country that much more, but it also opened my eyes to the lack of options that lead some to the choice of military service.

When we think about the battles that veterans have fought, we mostly think about the physical ones. We think about combat, weapons, trenches all the trappings of war that most have only experienced through the lens of Hollywood films.

But after the battlefield is in the rearview mirror, the scars left behind aren’t just on the surface. They plague a veteran’s mind. Consider post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), which affects a large number of vets.According to the Department of Veteran Affairs, nearly 30 percent of veterans of the Iraq and Afghanistan warstreated at VA hospitals and clinics have been diagnosed with PTSD. That’s more than250,000 reported cases.

When I waswith a veteran, I sawthe effects of PTSD firsthand.And PTSD is just one of the many pernicious afflictions that silently haunt so many veterans.

When my significant other was dealing with an issue, it was my natural impulse to urge him to talk about it.

But PTSD and other post-war problems that veterans routinely experience are not simple issues that you can talk about and magically solve. They often require professional help to work through, and not everyone is able to overcome the demons they face.

Ilearned that it’s okay to let someone just be. It’s okay to let someone not talk about it. It’s okay to sit and live in the silence. Sometimes the only way I could relate was simply by being there.

The bond that a veteran has with his or her fellow soldiersis unbreakable. I mean, it has to be, right? In order to head into combat with someone, you need to implicitly trust that person. This is your life at stake, as well as your country.

I was welcomed into that community. I saw the perspective of many, not just my boyfriend’s, and I saw how they’re there for each other. It’s an exceptionally close group of people because each person has a fundamental understanding of what it means to go through something few otherscan comprehend.

There are certain atrocities that most of us will never encounter. We hope we will never have to see someone die. We hope that we will never have a friend who commits suicide.

These theoretical issues become real when you’re in a war. And as stories came to light in the span of my relationship, they felt more real than they did before. I’ve metpeople whose lives have been touched by things like homelessness and death, and the issues have become uniquelypersonal because of that.

We hope that, when a veteran leaves the service, he or she will be welcomed back into society with open arms.

But formanyveterans, transitioning back to civilian life is a struggle. According to the VA, morethan half of all post-9/11 veteranswill face a period of unemploymenteven as the national unemployment rate continues to decline.

And when it comes to getting post-service benefits, things don’t look much better. As reported by the Military Times, despite ongoingimprovements,the VA was still sorting through75,000 backlogged disability claims at the end of 2015.

This means that manyveterans need not only emotional support, but also financial support.

When I was with someone who had been through a literal war, I couldn’t help but thinkabout the hardships that I’ve endured, and man, they just didn’t stack up. It doesn’t make my experiencesany less valuable, it’s just that I learned to appreciate the things I haven’t seen.

The important thing I remembered through this realization is that I couldn’t feel guilty. I needed to maintain a healthy perspective.